Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
