Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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