I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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