You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
