He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
