Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
