Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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