the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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