So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
