are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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