I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
