Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The uberlube is also flammable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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