I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
