apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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