dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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