He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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