Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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