I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
