Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
