I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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