dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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