i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
