Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
