I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
