I wannas sexs uuuuu
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
