we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
