i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
