Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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