Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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