I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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