and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
