Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
