oh god the rape fog is back!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
