I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
