who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
