so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
