I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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