moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
