i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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