there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
