He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
