Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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