We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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