just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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