we have pet lesbian snakes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
