End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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