so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Randomize