I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
