Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize