Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
