Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I deserve to be covered in dicks
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
