so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
