I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
