I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
