I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
