me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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