There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
