90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
