do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My life is pants optional.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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