Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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