It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
