Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
