the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
