Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
