he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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