omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
