They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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