so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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