The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
