I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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