I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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