i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
