I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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