The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
