I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
