i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
