Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pop tarts are not kleenex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
